The moment Rick died my sense of life became cloudy. That is the only word I can find to describe this literal feeling in my head. I could no longer see the future. I could no longer picture what my tomorrows looked like. Everything we had planned and imagined for ourselves disappeared in an instant. It’s a little dizzying not to mention indescribable.
As time passed I realized that God was revealing just enough of my future to require me to make a decision for today alone. One step at a time I passed through each day, then each week, then each month. Today I cannot imagine as far into the future as Rick and I did together, but I can see enough to keep me from falling off the edge.
I actually think I am learning to love this shorter-term view. What I try to orchestrate for myself is so much less exciting than the life God puts together for me. But he “needs” things to line up just right before he reveals them to me so that I will be faith-filled and obedient. It’s fun to watch, actually. I’m constantly amazed at the cool little details he attends to, at the surprising connections, at the beautiful pictures. I definitely couldn’t do that myself.
Thank you, God, for this new perspective on faith and future.
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