Living in the Polar Regions

I seem to be regularly confronted by polarization of emotions and I haven’t quite figured out how to manage them well. Rick died; Rick is in heaven. Our future together is gone; I get a whole new hopeful future. Adelaide will be born; Rick won’t be there to hold her. I’ll go to Alaska; Rick won’t be there with me. In writing I notice the progression relates to major milestones. Will they all feel like this – both horribly sad and wonderfully beautiful?

Where should I be living in all this? In the North? In the South? Living in between seems like a reasonable goal or maybe they cancel each other out. But I have to admit, even though I know it’s possible, the sense in my heart and my head is one of confusion and fogginess – I’m living in the polar regions. I’m not sure which way to look, which way to live, which way to go. I don’t want to let go of Rick but I don’t want to hold on too tightly either – there we go again…another polar region.

I guess I should be comforted at the realization that God understands these things and even shows a little of the polar regions when He says, “Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).