Someone is Listening

The Land Between. This title describes how I’ve felt at many times during this past two years. Between the past and the future. Between despair and hope. Between confusion and understanding. I could go on. Oh wait, I did. It’s called My Second Year.

Ironically, Pastor Jeff Manion wrote a book about my life…I mean, the lives of so many people who’ve experienced a tragedy in one form or another. Apparently I’m not alone. Not only are there dozens of stories in this book but a close friend, who also felt similarly, gifted me a copy of the book.

While soaking tonight – yes, I love to read while I’m in the bathtub surrounded by water hot enough to make my skin turn red – I read two things that struck me. Of course I should have already realized these tidbits but they were new to me today. First, Jesus called the weary to come to him for rest. That’s not the revelation. That Jesus existed in the beginning and knew that we would need such comfort was the new revelation. I started thinking about how God’s heart must have broken with the Fall and he was already reaching out to comfort us. Every day for all eternity – past present and future – he is ready for us…calling to us to find our comfort in him.

In a related vein, Manion points out that even though God already knows our situation and knows that we need comfort we should continue to go to him because…we need to speak. Yes, isn’t that what My Second Year has been about? It’s been about expressing myself as I struggle through this land between. For me the land between has been not only grief but a reshaping of my whole self – breaking down walls, building compassion, and showing grace. Something about putting words and voice to these struggles and triumphs offers comfort.

I think about the fact that after My Second Year, I won’t have that place for my voice where I can pretend that all 14 public followers, and I have no idea how many closet followers, can hear to my voice. Yes, the practice of journaling must continue. Journaling helps me sort things out in my head and that doesn’t always need to be, nor is it a good idea that it is, a public event. For some reason, though, I find little comfort in the idea of private writing. There is something about knowing others are listening that brings the comfort.

Back to The Land Between, the idea Manion was offering was that in our communication with God we can be assured that someone is listening and that this is not a one-way conversation. Manion (2010) said, “…the very act of voicing our trouble to God begins a conversation in which we have opened ourselves up to his care, his mercy, and his provision” (p. 79).

As I prepare to close My Second Year, pray that I find comfort in this conversation with God that far exceeds the comfort I’ve received in expressing myself through this blog. And pray that I continue to be surprised by hope.