Was Anyone There?

One problem related to the continued reading about grief is the sporadic discovery of new aspects of grief not previously considered (or in this case ignored altogether). Early Widow is a journal of her first year following the sudden death of Jim Worden. The November 6 entry includes a return to the scene, so to speak.

His widow ponders questions that I too have pondered – If he didn’t die instantly, how long did he live? Did he ever regain consciousness? Did he feel pain? The question that followed is the question that stopped me. Not because I’ve never thought of it before, but because I’ve never really taken the time to explore the question…perhaps because I don’t like the answer. Here it is:

But was anyone there to hold your hand?

What an ugly question. Alone. In those few last moments I didn’t have the chance to whisper my love into his ear. To promise him that Jesus would come for him. I didn’t even get a choice. Ya, I know Jesus came whether I promised it to be so or not. I know that He was the one to hold Rick’s hand at that last moment and that He was the one to whisper His welcome into Rick’s ear. All I’m left with is the trust that He did it better than I ever could have.