Welcome Home Again

Home is a beautiful place.

I am so blessed to have a floor that isn’t made of hard-packed dirt, mosquitoes that won’t kill me, and water I don’t have to keep out of my face holes. I can be out in the dark, hang my underwear on the line outside (if I want), and wear shorts in the summer. I have a mattress to sleep on, a Bible to study, and shoes for my feet.

But so what? So what if I “have” any of these things if I never use my education and experiences for the benefit of people who are marginalized in East Africa. So what if I “have” any of these things if I don’t express the compassion and grace God has awakened in me. So what if I “have” any of these things if I don’t show and share the love of God with anyone. So what?

Super Cool Moments

Two super cool things happened while at the church for Bible study.

David pointed out one woman who was lying on the floor in the back of the church. He indicated that she was sick. Although I may not have followed the proper protocol for supernatural healing, we prayed for healing for her as a whole church. By the middle of the program, the lady was sitting up and attentive. I talked with her briefly during the time of jewelry making and she indicated that she was feeling much better. Whew and yea God!

Later, one of the women brought smiling Betty to me and told me that Betty was also a widow. This mid-to-late 20s Betty told me that her husband died of heart failure just five months ago. According to Ugandan social custom, Betty was allowed to grieve for two weeks. This beautiful woman clung to me so hard I almost couldn’t breathe. We prayed together and enjoyed the presence of God in our quiet little space in the center of the room, while others simply allowed us the time we needed together. Precious and yea God again!

How can I ever explain the truth behind the idea that if you bless others you will also be blessed? I never understood the reality of this economy until recently, and today I would say that my “gift” to these women was absolutely paltry compared to their gift to me.

Dollies for Little Girls

During the last trip I came across a little one with that limbless Mohawk dolly. George, the informal shepherd for Kyamagemule, helped me find that little darling once again. George helped her understand that I remembered her because of that little doll and brought her a new one. A little unsure at first, she accepted the dolly and cracked a smile only to have it disappear once the camera came out.

How do you even begin to decide which of 300 or more children would be the recipient of those beautiful little dollies my mom made. I always remember Kefa’s point in A Distant Grief…God will show me which one and that I cannot help them all.

I pulled the dollies out of my suitcase and before I even tucked them into my bag one young woman approached and asked for a doll. Because it’s not common for the adults to approach and ask for anything, I thought this might be God. So, I gave her the first doll. She handed that doll to a little girl (daughter, niece, cousin, friend???) who promptly lifted the dress. Throughout the rest of the day this girl cried while grasping this dolly right up until Henry talked softly to her.

All the children stay close when the mzungu arrive, but one in particular caught my eye. I handed Faith the last dolly and again the dress was lifted. Scarcely a smile could be found until I caught her off guard. Faith became my shadow for the rest of the day. She held my hand, laid across my lap, and finally fell asleep against my chest. I was bothered that no one came looking for her, but I was certainly in no big hurry to move her along.

Mom is sending eight more dollies from the U.S. to the Mercy Uganda PO Box in Kampala. I can’t wait to find the girls who will become new mommies to these dollies. Um, mom...Laura would like one dollie for her fundraising banquet.

Smile

Uncle Kracker is a new country artist who recently released a song called Smile. The lyrics made me think about what makes me smile. I’m not talking about things I like or things that make me happy or even the 50 Things I’m Thankful For. I’m talking about those sparse moments when you realize you’re smiling and never knew it was coming, those inside smiles that sneak up on you.

As an example, while visiting Kefa Sempangi’s compound just outside Kampala, we came across an artist sculpting a rooster. The rooster is symbolic to me of “a new day,” a phrase and experience that has a very long story and very significant meaning that predates Rick and continues through My Second Year. Not many people are aware of the importance of this symbol in my life, but the instant I saw this rooster all I could do was smile. I smiled about the way the Holy Spirit uses these little moments to remind me of his presence. I smiled that quite inner, knowing smile that comes from deep within.

What makes you smile?

Happy Wedding Anniversary

On a sunny afternoon 21 years ago today, I married Ricky Lee Mosher on the lawns of Point West in Holland. The small ceremony – I never wanted the big wedding so many women dreamt of – was perfect. I’ll never forget the look in his beautiful hazel eyes as we said our vows…dreamy. Many times through the years this same look would return. It’s hard to believe that our marriage endured for just less than half my lifetime.

Last year – for what would have been our 20th anniversary and the 1st anniversary after his death – I revisited the place Rick and I enjoyed our honeymoon – The Terrace Inn in Petoskey. This is the place we had our wedding night dinner and enjoyed a walk on the grounds as well as by the lakeshore. I paged slowly through two albums of wedding pictures with an older couple who had been sitting next to me in the restaurant looking on. I reread all of the cards given to us for that celebration. I described to the then-and-now owner our little wedding story. After dinner, I sat on the very swing we sat on together (I have pictures) so many years ago and removed my wedding ring. I read our Bible verses, placed the ring in its box next to Rick’s ring, and acknowledged the end of that very special marriage.

While I do feel a sense of sadness and loss today, the pain is not quite so sharp at it once had been. I continue to be thankful for many years we had together and the way God has shaped me though that marriage experience.

Ephesians 5:22-33.

Wedding photo: 1989, Point West on Lake Macatawa
Vacation photo: 2005, Taggert Lake in Grand Teton National Park

Beaverdam Baptist Church

Pastor Phil brought a team of 18 people on the mission trip to Alaska and I wrote about this group in a previous post about Southern Hospitality. When I arrived at church Sunday morning, Big John was waiting for me, all smiles. Inside, all those folks who had been on the mission trip wrapped themselves around me…some of them did so several times. Remember my love language is touch. Yep, I love that kind of welcome!

But then…everyone I met in the church did the same thing. Without even knowing who I was or that I’d been a guest of Pastor Phil, everyone else at the church introduced themselves and gave me a big hug. One dear lady said they don’t do handshakes. I could love a church like this for sure. I could easily see how this church and Pastor Phil fit together perfectly. I dare not guess who came first, but they were certainly all very sweet people.

I attended Sheila’s Sunday school class and was so impressed by how much the people cared for one another. We may have spent a bit of time socializing, but I could hear the content of that socializing as ministry. Pastor Phil taught about Revelation and revival in the morning and evening services. Monday’s prayer night was probably the most moving, there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. So many needs were lifted up to the Lord. I pray that the Holy Spirit would rain down on the people of Laurens County and that they would find their home among the people of Beaverdam Baptist Church.

“Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).

Pastor Phil and Sheila

I had the honor of meeting Pastor Phil and his team of 18 people during Mission Trip #1 in Nome, Alaska. Beaverdam Baptist Church is their home and the church is situated in Laurens County, South Carolina.

I visited with Pastor Phil and his wife Sheila this week. When I arrived, Pastor Phil dropped everything he was doing and we spent several hours just talking. Sheila returned from the grocery store, having bought groceries for me, and showed herself to be a beautiful and very precious woman. They prepared their lake house for me and provided for my every comfort in an abundant way. Pastor Phil and Sheila truly showed me the love of Christ.

As I reflect on the warm way they loved on me, I think about how we are called into relationship with one another. What a wonderful model they’ve created for their family, their church, and for me. For more reasons than one, this couple will forever have a very special place in my heart.

I am struck by the way God began orchestrating this relationship many years ago with a desire to visit Alaska. I believe God had a purpose for bringing Pastor Phil and I to Alaska at just the right time just as I believe he orchestrated our meeting again this week. His timing is perfect and I believe this will not be the last time we meet, but I believe that our stories will continue to intertwine for many years to come.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end” (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Praise and Worship

Praise and worship is my favorite way to be with God. Perhaps I should say that Bible study or prayer or some other discipline is my favorite so that I sound super spiritual. I love those other ways of spending time with God too, but praise and worship – singing and music – are the BEST!

Of course every church conducts praise and worship times differently. On one extreme, some churches sing traditional hymns the numbers of which are posted on a wooden board at both sides of the pulpit - #126, #52, #221. They use an organ to accompany the congregation, only an organ. They don’t clap after the song, and they especially don’t clap during the song.

On the other extreme (as though I’ve been exposed to so many different church worship experiences), some churches sing contemporary songs from the radio. They have a band with electric guitars, drums, and an assortment of other modern musical instruments. They clap and dance and sing according to the moving of the Spirit.

I realize some of the reason for a given approach to praise and worship is related to denominational distinctives. I also realize that everyone connects to God in a different way. I’m just saying the way that I like to commune with God is the latter extreme (or near extreme).

I particularly love songs that talk about touching God in some way – The More I Seek You. I also love songs that make me want to dance – Oh Happy Day. And I love longs that talk about how there is renewal after pain – Your Love Never Fails. What songs do you love?

Never Under-Expect from God

Immediately after Rick died I had this calming sense that God would bring happiness and joy back into my life at some time in the future. I just knew it. As My Second Year was opened before me, I found that little by little he was doing just that. Not only was he creating a new kind of happiness and joy but I was totally and completely under-expecting just how good he would be. I don’t deserve it, but I accept his goodness toward me.

As I prepare to leave for Lake Ann Camp this morning, I’m excited about meeting all the new friends. But I’m more excited to see what God will do. As nervous as I am to meet all new people in a place I’ve never been, I trust God. I continue to surprise as he puts the experience together – circumstances, people, needs, abilities. He is so creative, and kind, and loving.

What I look forward to most is how he will use me to help others. Will I listen? Will I be obedient? Will I be bold? Will I love these campers and leaders? The only thing that might hold me back is me. Pray that my expectations of God would not be lowered and that I would have the courage to meet him whenever he calls.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love drives out all fear, because fear has to do with punishment” (1 John 4:18).

My Dad, June 29

I had every intention of posting about my dad for Father’s Day. As per usual, I got caught up in something else and didn’t even remember that it was Father’s Day. My dad so often gets the short end of every stick, although you’d never hear him complain. So, on this day – the day he became my earthly father, my birthday – I want to honor him. In keeping with the purpose of this blog – to address the issues of grief and healing along with the mission work God has called me to – allow me to write a little about my father.

A father never stops being a father. When Rick died, my father cried all the tears I couldn’t. He cried for the ache in his little one’s heart. He cried because he couldn’t fix it. He cried because he couldn’t be a substitute. When Rick died, my father wrestled with his desire to protect me and to give me over to the great Protector. We’re still working on that one. A father never stops being a father.

I am my father’s daughter. So many of the things I love about life, I learned from my father. My passion for the great outdoors came from many years of camping. My love of motorcycles and snowmobiles came from him too. My dad challenged me to go on my first roller coaster at Cedar Point, the Mine Ride, and then the next, the Gemini. My dad is the reason Duncan Donuts made it on my list of 50 Things I’m Thankful For. He used to take me for donuts every Sunday morning before church, a very special one-on-one time. Peanut butter pie made it on that list because of him too, mostly because we both love anything with peanut butter. I am my father’s daughter.

They say men marry women like their mother and women marry men like their father. Rick had many of the qualities my father has. This sense of adventure you see in me originated from my father and was perpetuated with my husband. The boldness to face My Second Year and to respond to God’s call on my life is the result of the way my father and husband showed me the Father. I have been so blessed to have two of the most important men in my life unknowingly and synergistically drawing me closer to my heavenly Father.

If you have seen me, you have seen the Father (John 14:5-14). I love you, dad!

Ask the Questions that Beg Asking

One of Lake Ann Camp’s 10 core values is “Ask the question that begs asking.” I was particularly drawn to this value because of my grief experience this past year and a half. I found that because grief was an entirely new state I was unable to put words to my thoughts or to organize these thoughts in a way that made any sense. To compound the problem, as my friend in Uganda noted, I am “broad minded and big brained.” I think he meant that I am a thinker; I process my thoughts and emotions intellectually. So, without a way to organize and process all that had happened, I was more than a little lost.

Few people know me well enough to know that I needed them to ask the questions that beg asking. Few people love me deeply enough to be willing to challenge me during that fragile time by asking the questions that beg asking. Few people were unafraid of talking about grief and death with me, unafraid that I might burst into tears, unafraid of their own mortality to ask the questions that beg asking.

The questions that beg asking are not questions like: How are you feeling today? Is there anything you need? Do you miss him? The questions that beg asking are more like: What is it like to not have anyone touch you? How do you feel when you put away his things? Who is encouraging you every day? Even these questions don’t scratch the surface of the depth needed to draw out my experience in a way that helped me process the grief.

Thank you. Thank you to those few people who know me, love me, and have the courage to ask me the questions that beg asking. Don’t stop. You made it safe for me. I pray that I can take what you taught me to Lake Ann Camp and be bold enough to ask the campers those “deep unanswered questions that often lay dormant in the human heart until someone cares enough to mine them out” in a way that campers “will not be afraid to allow God to minister to them.”

Surprised by Joy

Is it like this for everyone? When you come home do you have this deep ache to have never left? I never imagined a mission trip could have this effect on me. There is something special about Uganda and her people. God is so good to have surprised me with such joy.

Front: Gabriel and Lauren. Back: Me, Henry, and Laura.

Broken for Kyamagemule

I am so broken for this place my heart aches. At 3:00 a.m. I could no longer sleep. As I sit here trying to write about Kyamagemule, I can’t see because tears fill my eyes. Not because of any sadness, but because of the joy I found in this place despite their circumstances. How is it that we can forget about these people and all the other villages just like them? How can life ever be the same after having known them even for a short time? How can I go home to a lonely life of “things” knowing that I could instead be among these adorable children and loving people?

Dolly Girl

Toys are a luxury that are not often found in any of the places I’ve visited so far. And yes, food is far more important than toys. Yet I was struck by this child whose baby doll had quite a shock of hair. Are there any tender-hearted mommas out there who would like to provide a new baby doll for this little one? Thank you JH.

Sponsor Millie

Millie is this beautiful little girl in a dress of many colors. She is just a bit shy but smiled when I held her, She was one of many children who walked up to me and put their backs against my legs so that I could put my hands on their shoulders and eventually bend down to grip them in a warm hug. Her right ear is torn and oozing as if a piercing got infected, and blood dribbles slowly from her nose. Without treatment – perhaps with medicine that costs less than $20 – this precious little one could become quite sick.

Millie is an orphan; no one knows who her parents are. She’s currently living with an old lady who is also caring for a baby with malaria. People here have nothing and they divide that nothing to share with whoever is in need.

We’ve not collected all the necessary information for this dear one to officially register her as a child available for sponsorship through Mercy Uganda, but that will be done within the next few weeks. I’d like to ask you to prayerfully consider sponsoring this child. For $450 annually, she will receive an education, real food for lunch rather than porridge, and she will have your love. You will be able to send care packages and could choose whether or not you wished to fund anything extra for Millie, such as medical care, clothing, or supplemental needs.

Before coming to Uganda and all while I’ve been here I wait on God to show me which needs to bring before you. There are hundreds more needs that I’ve seen and tens of thousands of needs that I’ve not seen. Please know that I am not making this request without the direction of our Father, which means there is someone out there who will hear this call. If you’re the one, please visit Mercy Uganda or let me know and once we get all the information I will connect you with the right people.

Ugandan Social Etiquette

According to Ugandan social etiquette, I should not be surprised to see two men holding hands as a sign of friendship. However, public displays of affection are frowned upon. I know right from the start that this will be a challenge for me.

Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages in which he describes the many ways by which people feel loved. Love can be expressed through words of affirmation, giving gifts, acts of service, spending quality time, and physical touch. While I have been spoiled in all five areas, physical touch is my primary love language. Yes, I am a hugger.

Chapman aptly describes physical touch by saying, “This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.”

The point, though, is to express love in the way the other person most appreciates/needs it. Of course I can’t know just by looking at someone what makes them feel loved, particularly if they’re from another culture. So, in Uganda, expressing my love and appreciation in the form of a hug for the many helps the villagers provide must be curtailed. I look forward to learning how Ugandans express care and appreciation toward one another.

Top 10 Roller Coasters

1. Top Thrill Dragster
2. Maverick
3. Millennium Force
4. Wicked Twister
5. Magnum
6. Raptor
7. Iron Dragon
8. Gemini
9. Mantis
10. Cork Screw

A weekend at Cedar Point nets a list of my Top 10 favorite roller coaster rides. I rode the Top Thrill Dragster for the first time this year. 0-120 mph in 3.8 seconds. 425 feet tall. 17 seconds long. I could have a love affair with this coaster. Waiters watch with baited breath as the train reaches the top…will it make it over the curve as designed or will it slide backward down the hill toward the beginning. What a rush! The Dragster can be seen in the far right of the first photo.



On our first wedding anniversary, Rick and I went to Cedar Point. He and I rode all the coasters that were here 20 years ago - the Magnum was new that year. A handful of times over the course of our marriage we came back to the Point including the summer before he died. By that time his preference for coasters was not to ride them. In 95 degree weather, Rick would wait two hours in line with me so that I could ride every coaster I wanted. He’d simply step through the coaster and onto the exit ramp and wait for me with a big smile…every time.

I got the idea that I was the most special person on earth when he did that. He did these kinds of things for me a lot and I knew it. This year, as I wait in these somewhat shorter lines alone, I remember him. I remember his kindness and his generosity and the way he made me feel so special. I feel honored to have been loved like this.

Happy Mother's Day

My Second Year is focused on addressing issues of grief and healing along with the mission work that God has called me to. You may wonder how a post about my mother relates to that focus. Well, let me tell you.

When I called my mother to tell her that Rick died…
…she screamed.
…she got in the car and drove all the way here from Florida (with dad).
…she called the Press to read them the obituary.
…she had Rick’s photo framed beautifully in preparation for the memorial service.
…she bought me some pretty clothes to wear at the service.
…she said some crazy but wonderful things at the service.
…she gave me a small teddy bear to sleep with.

When my mother came to stay with me during graduation…
…she tolerated my crazy emotional upheaval about getting through the ceremony without Rick.
…she planted beautiful flowers all around the outside of the house.
…she bought me some pretty spring clothes (she must know how much I dislike shopping).
…she ironed my graduation robe.
…she gave me the space I needed the morning of the ceremony – even though she’d come all this way.
…she served (refreshed, cleaned, kept things moving) all during the open house.

My mother knew about those little things that needed to be done and she knew they just might pull me under. My mother has put up with some pretty crappy stuff from me through all this really hard part of my life, but she keeps right on loving me. That is what MY mother has to do with My Second Year. I love you, mom!

Finding God Alongside the Road

My life sometimes looks like those figuratively crooked, muddy, wide roads. I willfully conduct commerce along these roads by exchanging God’s goodness for something I believe would be better. The Bible shows just a bit of what I have definitely been missing:

God answers a servant’s prayer before he was even finished; Rebekah came along the road with a pitcher of water (Genesis 24:48).

God provides a way out; a desert road led the Israelites out of Egypt and to the Red Sea (Exodus 13:18).

God has compassion on those who suffer; beside the roads and pastures we’ll find food (Isaiah 49:9).

God will do a new thing on the earth; set up road signs and guideposts so that we can return to him (Jeremiah 31:21-22).

God answers prayer, provides a way out, has compassion, and will do something new to release me from this earthly life – all alongside the roads we travel. Why would I ever think I could map out a better journey for myself? I guess that is part of what My Second Year is all about – breaking down the walls that prevent me from fully relying on God. I’m so thankful that he continues to find me along my road.

Streets and Roads in the Bible

As I thought about the roads we’ll travel in Uganda, I wondered about how they might be similar to the roads in Bible times. I found that the Bible describes many roads by using the words “roadside,” “main road,” and “along the road to” for what seems like the purpose of giving a setting or directions. Specific verses that describe the qualities of the roads and streets, however, were few and most seem to be figurative. I wonder why there are so few descriptions of the literal roads and yet streets and roads were used quite often in a figurative way.

Crooked roads (Isaiah 59:8)
Crooked roads that become straight (Luke 3:5)
Roads that branch (Ezekiel 21:19)
Street corners (2 Chronicles 28:24)
Street squares (Proverbs 5:16, Song of Solomon 3:2)
Wide roads that lead to destruction (Matthew 7:13)
Muddy streets (2 Samuel 22:43; Psalm 18:42)
Springs overflow in the streets (Proverbs 5:16)
Deserted roads (Leviticus 26:22)
Abandoned roads (Judges 5:6)

Based on the description of these roads from the Bible, I would expect the roads in Uganda to be very similar. Another important similarity is that Jesus never leaves us on those crooked roads, muddy roads, abandoned roads, and street corners. He calls us in to celebrate the wedding feast with him. Amen.