Stressed

I’d been asking to go for a walk over the last few days because I could feel the internal stress building. Nothing bad has to happen for my stress levels to rise, it happens when combining being away from home (Lauren’s) for too long, being in totally new situations, not having enough alone time, a lack of exercise, not enough sleep, and any number of other factors. Much of Africa is safe in the daytime except perhaps the bigger, more congested cities. But not many places in Africa are safe in the evening. Finding time to walk was out of the question, even with Gabriel. Still, I kept asking.

The return drive from Karamoja – another 10-12 hours – was long and bumpy. That ongoing sense of confinement and stress continued to build. A single minor event was the last straw. I lost it. I couldn’t be nice anymore, I couldn’t hold it all in. All I wanted to was to run. We parked the car at a hotel, I gave Laura (who knows me well) the eye, and put my shoes on and ran as far and as fast as I could. I didn’t ask if it was safe or even for a suggestion about where to run. I just ran. I ran and ran and ran until I couldn’t see in the dark anymore. I ran and ran and ran and cried and cried and cried. These are the times I feel so alone and am smacked with the reality of that aloneness.

Had I gotten the regular exercise I was asking for the build up would never have happened, nor would the tears, the last straw would not have come, the appearance of rudeness on my part would never have surfaced, worrying my friends would not have been an issue, missing Rick might not have crossed my mind. But, I knew it was coming and there was nothing I could do about it.

In the end, I was all worn out and sat at the end of the drive watching the big orange moon rise behind a few clouds and cast a beautiful light on Mount Tororo. I was reminded of God’s presence and of his unending goodness. Exhale.