Mission #5: Hospice...Kind of

Mission #5 is to volunteer with Hospice of Michigan. This mission requires four weeks of training and a long-term commitment that will extend beyond My Second Year. I completed the application, participated in an interview, and signed up for the training – four nights once each week during part of September and October – back in May.

Unlike the other mission experiences, I’m not sure why this was to be my fifth and final mission for the year. There is no personal connection, like each of the other missions had, except that it relates to death and grieving. Perhaps I have a subconscious desire to lean into my grief, which could be expressed by helping others through their grief. Although, I sometimes think my grief experience is unique in that there was no trauma, no illness, no unanswered questions, no regret, and no religious meltdown…so why would I even think that I am actually qualified to help others through their grief?

But wait…I think God might have something more planned (of course).

I signed up for Hospice before I went to Uganda. However, I was surprised beyond expectation at how these people spoke to my heart. I was invited to return in September and spoke only tentatively of coming back. I know that sometimes people returning from mission trips lose their passion for a place when they get back to real life. Please don’t misunderstand, I am not saying they stop caring but the urge to return subsides. I knew that I needed to give myself at least a little time to see if my heart would cool. Instead I find myself missing everyone more each day.

As long as I’m being honest, I also know that the love and acceptance I found in Uganda is something I miss with Rick gone. This is not to say that I don’t have friends and family that love me, but there was something deeper that touched me in Uganda. Perhaps this deeper sense of acceptance was situational (small group environment, specific people, they needed me, I’m American). So, is my longing to return based on genuine relationships and mutual compassion? Or, is my longing to return based on filling this emptiness in my heart? I know that I am emotionally vulnerable and that my heart may deceive me. I want to be smart about this decision, the decision about whether or not to return to Uganda, but also wise about discerning God’s will for my life.