Belonging

I continue to be aware of this inner desire that I have to fit in or to belong. Where does that come from? I know that I am a child of God and that I belong to him. Shouldn’t that be good enough? I know what my purpose is, at least for this year. Shouldn’t that help? Yet I still long for “place” on this earth. What does that even mean? Why has this sense of belonging become a topic that occupies my mind so much?

At least part of the question was answered when I went to Uganda. In retrospect I can see that my love for that place was based on this automatic acceptance, this appreciation for my gifts and talents, this inclusion. I was never an outsider, I didn’t have to find a way to fit in, I just automatically belonged to the group…I was loved. I can say that I’ve never experienced this kind of warmth from total strangers before (although Parson Clampet and his crew in Alaska were pretty sweet but Uganda was different).

I realize I cannot have that feeling everywhere I go and with everyone I meet. But I also think I’m uncovering another aspect of losing Rick that is having a pretty significant impact on me. I belonged to him, he included me, he loved me. I was part of his group, I fit with him. To whom do I belong without him?

I know that I belong to Jesus but this is not a super spiritual problem, it’s a real and practical one. Yes, I am independent enough to not need to belong but I think this is a sign that God is changing my heart – I want to belong somewhere, somehow. God created us for community, right? This desire for a sense of belonging helps me see myself as coming closer to normal than perhaps ever before.