My Second Year purpose is to break down walls, build compassion, and show grace. The purpose has always had this dual audience: me and those I would serve through missions. Yet a close friend recently challenged me to think about whether or not my desired personal result should not be a changed me but instead a changed acceptance of who I am. Huh…love myself for who I am even with all these broken, ugly parts? Why is that idea so difficult to grasp? Why does it seem so impossible?
Do I want to change who I am as a result of fear? Fear of judgment? Fear of condemnation? Fear of rejection? Fear of being picked last? Do I want to change who I am so that I can be a better person? Be a better friend? Be more liked? Loved? Or do I want to change me to become more acceptable to Jesus? Yes, I can hear the flaw in all of my thinking.
How can I accept who I am, get comfortable in my own skin? How do I love Jesus more so I can love other people more? How do I get comfortable with the idea that there is no change in me that will make me more acceptable to Jesus? How do I love me because Jesus loves me even when other people don’t?
It seems to me that changing me and accepting who I am as I am are synergistic goals. Are they even achievable goals? Here I am back at measuring something, setting performance standards.
Wow, friends… I love being challenged to think differently, to change my paradigm, to see through a different lens. It’s not always easy though.
How, how, how? Always the question. So many goals, so many things that need NEED changing. But often so little progress. In the long-term, it might look fine. In the short-term, not so much. I wish there were more sure and ready pathways to change and healing...for you and for me.
ReplyDeleteLove you!
j
Jesus loves and accepts you for who you are, and so do I.
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